My mind ruins everything

Every time I look in the mirror, I keep asking myself: why am I like this? I always wish that I could block my mind and my thoughts. Sometimes when I feel beautiful, my mind just tells me that I’m not, and no one would ever find me pretty.

When I feel happy, like truly happy, only in seconds my mood changes. It’s all because of my mind, that reminds me that I don’t deserve to be. I make mistakes, everyone does, but the truth is that I don’t always learn from them. My mind says that people would probably think I’m useless and I can’t even do anything right.

I can be selfish, especially when I’m having a hard time. I’ve been trying so hard to change, but maybe I’m not trying hard enough. When I raise my hand in class to ask a question, my mind tells me not to. Everyone’s attention would be on me, and I don’t want that.

When I go out alone, my mind just keeps saying to me that people would think that I’m lonely and I probably don’t have friends. But I do have friends, even though nowadays I feel like I’m losing them.

But what feels the worst is that my thoughts ruin everything, and they even destroy myself. I just don’t know how to stop it. I wish that everything in me could change.

Sajgó Szonia VI. B